- Marya Kazmi
Falling into Trust
Updated: Sep 13, 2021
How do we fall into trust?
When you leave a relationship that once made you navigate a carpet of eggshells daily, trust does not come easily with new people. Your body is accustomed to holding on tight to embraces and affection while remaining motionless for fear that the slightest shift of a muscle would result in it all being snatched away. Your mind is perpetually creating scenarios of how it will all fall apart knowing that nothing positive can last. Peaceful moments aren’t sustained and emotional safety is always fleeting.
Then you add in the elements of this new era in the dating world, where no one is attached and single women are in such abundance, people don’t have an incentive to treat the people they date as well as they should. Situationships have become the norm and people have backups for their backups. We are constantly discussing who is masculine and feminine rather than simply just recognizing that dating someone requires peeling back layers and acceptance of differences to find commonalities that connect you. It's become a competition of strength rather than an appreciation for softness and humanity in one another.
Throw a woman with a complex history in trust and safety into that mix and the anxiety is high, the insecurities are present and the abandonment issues are floating on the surface like an unflushable turd. That’s how they feel, you can’t get rid of them and their presence leaves a stench you can’t get out. How do you move forward with that past and this existing reality to grow and allow love and a partnership to bloom?
Falling into trust with that history is a constant struggle and internal battle you are waging in your mind. Trusting that someone will catch you when you fall and hold you up when you feel like your legs can’t bear the weight of your body, requires some blind faith. You must honor your intuition and constantly examine why you struggle with this in order to trust with openness.
Falling into trust is a difficult practice because it has to happen repeatedly and must be proven many times with consistent behaviors, words and time. Time to understand you, time to affirm your insecurities while pushing you to surpass them. Time to listen in order to understand and shift when necessary, while also staying grounded and being guidance for someone whose direction in relationships has been tainted by eroded trust and the desecration of respect.
Believing trust is possible is going against the current and countering the messages you have internalized about love and care in a relationship. But without faith that there is something that exists where you can fall into trust and be wholly who you are in flaws, light and darkness, you will continue to push away the possibilities the universe could offer if you were willing to listen to the signs that trust is possible and attainable when the space for it to grow exists.
This work is not easy, it hurts like hell and it requires an intense amount of vulnerability. So it is challenging, but not impossible. Which means it can be overcome. You have the power to shift your mindset and, with discernment, trust those who have earned and deserve the gift and grace of you. It may require you to sift through a lot of trash to find the treasure, but once it’s found, you will realize that trusting another person with your heart, although it can be deathly frightening and feel you have given all control up, may also be exhilarating and liberating.
I was once navigating eggshells and had lost faith. Now, I wake up each day knowing something I can trust may exist. When the world is meant to open up and give me that gift, my arms are open and my heart will be prepared to truly fall into trust and finally exhale.