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  • Marya Kazmi

Mind the Gap

When you buy a plant you bring a living thing into your space. The plant requires care, daily watering, time in the sun and even being talked to and connected with. When those things are absent, the plant withers and eventually dies. Your attention to its care helps it flourish and grow. In your presence and with your effort, it can thrive and continue to provide you with its gifts of oxygen, beauty, and connection to a part of nature.

The woman in your life requires the same, but unlike plants, they are not in your home and away from others. They are in the world and seen by many. The absence or inconsistency of care leaves a gap that can be filled by someone who is willing to take the steps and make effort. to attend to her. If you value your woman, you do not want another man to tend to her and give her the moments and time that you are capable of providing. Without those conscious and intentional actions, you leave a gap that can be filled without a woman doing anything more than just being themselves in the presence of others who see her authenticity and inner light.

A woman just requires reassurance and consistent actions to know she is a priority in your life. She may hold that need in and suffer the absence of her desires being met in silence. Now, for my women reading this that is no fairer to a man than him not providing reassurance for a woman. No one is a mind reader and one of the biggest mistakes people make with one another is to assume others will think as they do. If you do not communicate what you need, you allow a space for resentment to build. The women's responsibility is to communicate these needs. Without that transparency, you both are setting yourselves up for disappointment and will most likely have to work much harder to make the relationship last.

Communication is the cornerstone to a healthy dynamic. However, it doesn't stop there. There is communication and then there is comprehension. If a woman tells you she has needs that she wants you to fulfill and you repeatedly dismiss it or do not make an effort to act on it, you have not comprehended what she communicated. She is giving you a signal to wake up and make a shift and be the man she deserves and knows you can be. She would not communicate her need if she didn't have faith you could fulfill them. Her honesty and candidness come from a place of trust and hope for growth between you as a couple. When that openness is invalidated by no change, she has been impacted whether or not she shows you.

She may not walk out of the relationship right away, but she is slowly distancing herself and disconnected from you emotionally. You are leaving a gap, that now grows mistrust and makes her question how safe her heart is with you. Mind the gap, it can be the space between a man’s contentment and regret.

In a marriage, a gap often grows and leads to eventual dissolution and divorce. In dating a gap opens a vacant space that can be filled easily with or without a woman’s effort or even her interest in others. She can be deeply in love with a man and feel a connection, but the gap remains a barrier to feeling fully safe and trusting that that man feels the same and would do the same for her. If she's the kind of woman who attracts people into her life without much effort but pure authenticity, your missed opportunity creates a chance for something or someone else to gain a chance.

It doesn't mean she doesn’t care for you or even that she will be unfaithful. But mind the gap because the things she has expressed to you may come in another package and from another man reminding her that you are not willing to give effort towards her happiness. Regardless of her acting on that, that reminder is enough to create a space and plant seeds of doubt in the quality of what she is investing in. Now if the things she desires are purely about materialistic aspects or require you to go outside your values then she may not be the one for you or require your effort. However, if what she asks for is attention, affection, and thoughtfulness, her asks are easy shifts if you care for her genuinely. When you cannot deliver or are unwilling to go outside your comfort zone for her happiness, you may be the cause of someone valuable slipping through your fingers. That slip might lead her to someone else, or just closer to herself. Either way, she is taking note of your actions matching your words and your willingness to place her comfort and safety before your ego.

Mind the gap, listen and most importantly respond and take action when a woman tells you she needs something from you. If that need is simple and requires little effort, but you consistently can’t or won’t take the steps for it to happen, your words may tell her you care, but the unconscious messages that are leaving an indelible mark indicate she is not valuable enough for you to try.

Once a woman knows her worth, being devalued will be short-lived. It’s in your hands to determine if you will change that and provide the consistency she needs to reassure her of your commitment and strong feelings, or if a gap is opening the possibility of other options filling the space.


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