Parts 5-7 Lessons from a Trip Around the Sun

Lesson #5

Nothing will be perfect but anything can be special

Lesson #6

I am complex and difficult to hold, and it’s my beautiful truth

Lesson #7 When I don’t know what to do, I pause, sit still and let the universe tell me.

Lesson #5

Nothing will be perfect but anything can be special

This statement came from something my daughter started to say regularly after a birthday party we had for her where the only intention was to make it special but let go of the vision of perfection us moms have in these moments. The lesson has evolved into the way I now try to take even the smallest moment or activity and elevate the beauty in it.

Nothing will be perfect but truly anything can be special. So I no longer strive for perfection in anything I create or do, I simply want it to be special. For me special means that whomever is present feels seen and valued and it’s an opportunity to capture moments of connection, learning, discovery of self or whatever other takeaway there might be.

As a mother this could be as simple as a quick drive or running errands. This philosophy means DSW becomes a runway for us to strut some fab shoe finds while window shopping, school mornings are filled with musical duets and dancing, a walk around the neighborhood becomes a treasure hunt and the recap of each day is how we reflect on the special moments in our own growth.

The lesson has applied to my professional and creative spaces. Everything is an opportunity to learn, grow and build my capacity so how do I ensure I also have fun while doing it. The fun part isn’t full proof, but I do my best to maintain a positive outlook and to always look for the opportunity in a challenge.

This shift allows me to enjoy each day and moment as a gift and appreciate the blessings in front of me, while still working towards building more for me and my kids. When you are a busy working mom under a microscope from the lens of coparenting, you are often filled with guilt for the time you cannot give to your kids, especially when they are little. If every moment has the potential to be a beautiful experience, that guilt feels a little less gnawing because you know you are doing the most when you can and supporting and taking care of my responsibilities in the rest.

Lesson #6

I am complex and difficult to hold, and it’s my beautiful truth

For most of my 17 year marriage, I was reminded often how lucky I was that my husband married me, because who would put up with me otherwise. That kind of mind fuck will mess with you and eventually becomes what you believe about yourself. When I separated from my husband 4 years ago, I started to unlearn that message, but truly the dating world seemed to reinforce it for me. This year, I had some eye opening moments where I finally came to know who I was, embraced all the complexities and learned to love every piece of my dynamic and “difficult” nature.

I wrote a piece earlier this year called Heavy Lifting at a point where I was starting to see more about my challenges and choices of whom I was drawing into my life. But it was through the past few months that I really opened my eyes and saw that it was not me that was the problem, but that I was expecting people who did not have the bandwidth, mental or emotional capacity to hold me up and show up in my life.

Once I saw the truth for myself, dating became a lot simpler, while also less fruitful. Because the lesson I learned is that I am complex and require a man who can hold the complexity with care and strength and the truth is there is no one that has been able to who stepped up and followed through in my life. The old Marya would have been hurt and questioned that I was not good enough.

The Marya who has gained a valuable lesson this year knows that those men were not equipped to handle everything that I am and bring to a relationship. I look at it as the universe is weeded out the choices for the right man to surface who can recognize this truth but also not run from it. So my complex nature is my beautiful truth.